so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
