So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
