peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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