I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
