well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
