I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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