How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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