She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
