i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
