did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
