I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
