Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize