My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i dont even know how to be here
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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