Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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