two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
