gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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