i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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