I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
