is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
