dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
