you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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