I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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