I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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