Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
