Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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