i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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