Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
