How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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