ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
