you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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