Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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