Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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