Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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