if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
