There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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