honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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