Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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