Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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