WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
