i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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