You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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