i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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