that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
