come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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