You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
