I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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