I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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