my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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