you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
