I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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