When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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