Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
