I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize