Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
