she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
In America we eat man semen.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
