omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Never joke about your clitoris.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
