Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
