The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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