Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize