I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
