Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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