these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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