Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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