he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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