Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't turn off my feet"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
