we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
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I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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