He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
