Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
