he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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