After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
