Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
