I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
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The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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