thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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