At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
