I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
