I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
